Hallo Readers ,

This week we have a Baker’s Dozen of Golden Globes ghastliness and so It’s Got to Go has had to go until next week whilst we consider the issue of the sauce Hollandaise that is the French President, his official partner Valérie Trierweiler and his unofficial partner, actress Julie Gayet.

France has had a series of priapic Presidents and its citizens could not have cared less. Mitterand had a mistress and a lovechild. Chirac’s bodyguards nicknamed him “5 minutes including shower” (alas, no man is a hero to his valet). Hollande was elected although he had done the dirty on the mother of his 4 children, Ségolène Royal, with Trierweiler. But whereas the French may tolerate the Leader of the Republic indulging in some comment va ton père, they demand both dignity and discretion when doing it. They disliked little Nicholas Sarkozy cavorting blingily with Carla Bruni and they deprecate Hollande being photographed in his motorcycle helmet on a chauffeur driven 3-wheeled scooter arriving for an overnight tryst with Gayet. This was a mere 150 yards from the Presidential Palace. Could he not have worn a hoodie and walked? Worse still, Hollande was clearly recognisable by his shoes, the same ones he always wears. France and WTF are in great indignation both at the paucity of his footwear and the fact that his bodyguard popped round in the morning with the fresh, post-coital croissants. When running for President, Hollande promised to be M. Ordinaire. Really?

An English Trierweiler would have hired Max Clifford, dropped 2 dress sizes and be seen dancing to I will Survive. The French one is in hospital recovering from shock and allegedly having “taken one pill too many”. WTF is sympathetic to anyone suffering from depression (see her recent post on Jonathan Trott) not to mention public humiliation but sisterly sympathy here is a little limited. Not because Gayet is doing to Trierweiler what Trierweiler did to Royal. Not because Trierweiler is clearly conducting a PR campaign from her sickbed. No the reason is that when in 2012  Royal ran for Parliament so that she could take up a position in Hollande’s Cabinet, Trierweiler tweeted her support for her opponent and Royal was duly defeated. Sisterly is as sisterly does, love. Meanwhile, the woman standing by the side of the President and receiving public funds for the role, not that there is a formal role, must be a matter of public interest, not least if he is currently contemplating trading her in for a younger model. But perhaps we should be asking ourselves whether the official role of consort, married or otherwise, should exist at all?

Let us now consider the horrors of last Sunday night in Hollywood, beginning with the wonderful Edie Falco wearing Lanvin.

This gives WTF no pleasure because The Sopranos was the best TV series ever (discuss) but Edie looks like the badly wrapped parcel from the John Lewis Christmas advertisement from 2011. Bias cut silk is always unforgiving  except on the truly tiny and the clumpy shoes are just horrible, like hooves.  Luckily Tony Soprano is fictional or Atelier Lanvin and Edie’s stylist would have been called upon by some colourful types from New Jersey and it would have turned very ugly.

More slithery satin! This time on Alexa Chung wearing vintage Balenciaga.

WTF has previously asked what is the point of Alexa Chung and to date no one has provided her with an answer. If you have one, feel free to share. As for the dress, WTF has various issues with it. First, just because it’s vintage does not mean it’s nice. Second, it looks like Queen Victoria’s nightgown. Third, it doesn’t fit. And fourth, the hem has been tacked up in the dark. Nice bag though….

Last in the trio of slithery satin is Sandra Bullock in a colourful number by Prabal Gurung.

WTF might have overlooked the unflattering décolletage and even the fact that the dress is creased (which is a particular bugbear) but once commentators had pointed out the similarity to Bertie Bassett, Sandra’s inclusion in this post became inevitable. 

Malin Akerman has now appeared in two posts running which indicates that something has gone badly wrong somewhere with her wardrobe. This time she is wearing Ralph Rucci.

WTF has not come across Ralph before but he is taking the piss because it is almost impossible to imagine a less flattering dress. Malin looks positively square, like a titsy Swedish matron doling out the bargain meatballs at one of IKEA’s cafeterias.

WARNING – put on your sunglasses for TV person and occasional professional wrestler (honestly!) Maria Menounos wearing Max Azria Atelier.

Fuchsia. Tits. Minge Moment. Peekaboo. The whole shebang….

Another of WTF’s bugbears is models invited to occasions where models have no business. One of these is the ubiquitous Heidi Klum wearing Marchesa.

An embroidered net curtain with peekaboo patches. Yuk.

This is Gwendoline Christie off Games of Thrones wearing Giles Deacon.

Basically this is a baby doll for fetishists. It is bad and Gwendoline should not have been allowed out in it. As Lady Bracknell instructed her daughter, “Gwendoline. The carriage!“

Now let us turn to young Emma Watson wearing Dior. From the front she does not look too bad….

But from the back…

What we have here is a glorified variation of the NHS hospital gowns where your arse hangs out and your dignity disappears out of the window. To pretend to wear a dress, only to then reveal trousers, is just a waste of everyone’s time.

Our next fashion victim is Kat Graham wearing Michael Costello.

This is a shower curtain worn over flesh coloured panties. We should perhaps be grateful for the panties but the whole thing is a disgrace.

Another model,  Miranda Kerr wearing Pucci.

Newspapers babbled on about this being inspired by Elizabeth Hurley’s Versace safety pin dress but whilst that was dreadful as well it had least had the merit of innovation. This is just a copycat version with smaller pins and an opportunity for Miranda to show the world that she isn’t wearing any knickers. Like anyone gives a toss….

The next ensemble is just bonkers. I refer to Paula Patton wearing Stephane Rolland.

WTF’s initial reaction was that Paula was being devoured by the Ribbon Monster but then it came to her. The dress was inspired by Icarus whose waxen wings melted when he flew too close to the sun.

Clearly Paula was flying on one side…Meanwhile as @StephanieHanna5 pointed out, her protruding ribcage makes her appear to have grown a second pair of tits. Admittedly as the wife of Robin Thicke, he who pranced about with bare-breasted models in the video for Blurred Lines, she may feel in need of an extra pair just in case but it looks decidedly odd.

Now let us recoil with horror at Bérénice Bejo wearing Giambattista Valli.

Bérénice is lovely, but the dress is beyond ghastly, mostly because those slits surrounded by fur conjure up nightmare visions of a bloodied bear’s vagina. What the hell is going on here? Whatever it is, it should not have been paraded in public and WTF was quite put off her breakfast.

Finally WTF gives you Z-lister par excellence Lady Victoria Hervey wearing a thing by leading Indian designer Gaurav Gupta. WARNING – extreme appallingness follows.

And it is still worse from the rear and I use the term advisedly.

Lady Victoria is the daughter, step-sister and sister of the 6th, 7th and 8th Marquesses of Bristol, in other words posh as fuck and has variously been Michael Winner’s receptionist, a Dior model, a boutique owner (it went tits up), a TV personality and the previous girlfriend of such celebs various . Why any of this entitles her to attend the Golden Globes after party is beyond WTF, as are the reasons why Gaurav would design a body stocking randomly rolled in tar and why anyone, even a talentless, shameless attention-seeker like M’Lady would want to wear it.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep your comments coming as well as your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Hallo Readers,

It is now official. Rebekah Brooks ran a newspaper empire without having the faintest fucking idea what went on in the newspapers she was in charge of. She didn’t know about the hacking.  She didn’t know that Andy Coulson, her Deputy Editor (who succeeded her as Editor of the News of the World), a man with whom she also shared a bed, knew about the hacking. She thought that stories about A shagging B and what X told Y about Z came from fairies hovering over Wapping who sent little fairy-dust-wrapped parcels of prime gossip straight into the newsroom. The jury believed her but frankly WTF would have rather have pleaded guilty than put forward such a defence. After all, how bad could prison be in comparison with the ignominy of being known as The Woman Who Knew Nothing. Coulson was found guilty and faces further charges, leaving Call Me Dave looking foolish for employing him as his spin doctor. You could see that trouble was likely to arise given that Coulson had resigned in 2007 after the NoW Royal Editor, Clive Goodman, was banged up for tapping Prince Harry’s phone. Whilst the NoW management stoutly maintained that Goodman was a “rogue reporter” it has since trend out that hacking ran through the paper like rewriting through a stick of seaside rock. But Call Me Dave and George Osborne, whose idea the appointment was in the first place, thought otherwise. Good call, George.

What finally did for the paper was the shattering revelation that someone had hacked the phone of missing teenager Milly Dowler who was already dead. But they also hacked celebrities and royals and football agents to find out about their sex lives, casual criminality to bring you total triviality, the unspeakable in pursuit of the uninteresting. Not to detect crime or to bring you stories genuinely in the public interest. Just to let you know that Sienna Miller was giving one to Daniel Craig. Don’t forget that it was Coulson and Brooks who employed a Harry Potter correspondent, a reporter actually obliged to change his name and ponce about in a Harry Potter costume. On the day of  9/11, Coulson rebuked the hapless man for not having his costume to hand as “you never know when there will be a Harry Potter emergency” and Brooks ordered him to appear in it at the editorial conference the next day. And this is the woman over whom various Prime Ministers fawned and gurgled. Makes you feel proud to be British, doesn’t it?

Let us turn to the week’s fashion disasters starting with a trip to the ballsachingly trendy Chiltern Firehouse restaurant in London where you have to be a celebrity, or at least to know one, just to get past the door. Like Lily Allen here.

It is so short that she has posterior-peek.

The good news is that Lily retired, got married and had kids so that we were spared her gobby, smug interventions on topics various. The bad news is that she has come out of retirement and is flaunting herself around and about. Since Lily values plain speaking, here it is. There is nothing to like here, whether it is the ridiculous fake tan, the manky trainers, the horrible hair or the vulgar tee-shirt purporting to be a dress. Just go away.

And here we are in Milan for Men’s Fashion Week where we come upon Steven Tyler wearing Roberto Cavalli. 

What the hell is he wearing? It is part Capt. Sparrow, part Gary Glitter. He looks like a total and absolute knob. Combining Tyler and Cavalli is lethal. You know, like mixing toilet cleaner and kitchen bleach lethal…..

To actress Li Bingbing wearing Erdem at the Hong Kong premiere of Transformers – Age of Extinction. 

Oh my, this is bad. WTF has long deplored the trend of see-through trousers but these are see-through trousers OVER HOTPANTS and the crinkled legs make her appear to have a particularly bad case of cellulite.

We are globetrotting today, Readers. Here we are at the Vienna Life Ball with singer Courtney Love wearing Vivienne Westwood, seen here with Andreas Kronthaler, Dame Viv’s partner. 

Andreas is wearing a bed sheet and pretending to be a Roman Emperor in women’s shoes. Who knows why? As for Courtney, the dress is gorgeous but it seems a trifle, ahem, small around the tits department so that she looks as if she is suckling twins. Her shoes (also by Dame Viv) are fun.

This week’s It’s Got To Go is as obvious as obvious can be. It can only be Uruguayan lunatic Luis Suarez who has just bitten an opponent for the third time, this one during a World Cup game against Italy in front of 10 zillion viewers. It is obvious that Luis has dental issues and he needs to sort them out. FIFA, which is as much use as a handbrake on a canoe, has banned him for 9 international games and 4 months of any football activity but this is clearly inadquate, not least as the English season doesn’t start until mid-August. As for the Liverpool FC apologists who keep insisting that he is really a nice man who does a lot for charity – nice men don’t chomp other people. Fact. He’s Got To Go.

To Los Angeles and the Daytime Emmys where we meet a newcomer to these pages (welcome, welcome) actress Katherine Kelly Lang, star of long-running soap The Bold and The Beautiful wearing Ines de Santo.

Blimey. Her skirt seems to have become caught in her knickers as she fought to free herself from the black mesh monster. Even Dolly Parton would baulk at this one. As for the mermaid hair, it is a complete shocker.

Next we cross the Border to Canada and to the MuchMusic Awards co-presented by Kendall Jenner in Fausto Puglisi.

Sorry Joyce of Hong Kong. WTF promised you a Kardashian free zone and although technically it still is, Kendall is half-sister to Kim, Kourtney and Khloe and the daughter of their fearsome Momager Kris. Kendall, 18, is very pretty and is already making a name for herself as a catwalk model but there is zero excuse for her putting appalled onlookers in fear of an imminent Minge Moment. The unfortunate thing is that without those ridiculous look-at-my-minge splits, the dress would be lovely. 

Back to L.A. and actress Kat Graham wearing Zara Bayne Leather. 

Kat is stunning but this is a dismal way to treat a dead animal. WTF hates a leather bralet almost above all things and especially this one because it is also pointy, low-slung and too small. The tasselled skirt is bedecked with dried dog turds and given the nature of this warrior princess get-up, one can only assume that the bag is actually a weapon to bop people over the head with. If the producers are casting for the umpteenth series of Game of Thrones, they need look no further than Kat who has her own ready-made costume.

And now to the runaway winner of the WTF Summer Stinker 2014. This is bad, bad, BAD and Readers of a nervous disposition or averse to nearly naked men can log off knowing that the winner is TOWIE moron Bobby Norris. Lady Victoria Hervey was second. Bobby romped home with 33% of the vote wearing what WTF aficionado Leslie described as “an excellent example of the love child when dildoes & jock straps breed”. So either check out or check it out and either way let us meet again next Friday. Be good.

Hallo Readers,

You know how it is. The marriage has been dysfunctional for a long time but you never thought it might actually end. You whinged and whined about her and she whinged and whined about you. Now divorce is looming with both sides turning nasty. You say she can’t keep the pound. She says you can have your bloody Trident back but she’s holding on to the oil and gas reserves.   How on earth did it come to this?

The Scottish Independence Referendum is both maddening and heart-breaking. WTF loves Scotland and the Scots even though she cannot always understand what some of them are saying. Their state education is better and their higher education is free. They hate Tories and forced Nigel Farage back over the Border. They resent the Tory governments foisted on them whom they neither voted for nor wanted. The Union’s Prime Minister is so unpopular North of the Border that he felt unable even to participate in the debate until panic stations forced him up there this week, snivelling piteously that they should not leave just because they hate him and his party. Instead the Defence of the Realm fell to Alastair Darling, a man so dull that you would rather throw yourself into the Clyde weighted down with a caber than have to listen to him. The No campaign was relentlessly negative, warning the Scots that without our currency they were heading headlong into Hellenic Economic Hell. On Wednesday the ante was upped with The Royal Bank of Scotland (which all UK taxpayers had to bail out to the tune of £65 bn.) and other Banks threatening to decamp South and retailers are warning of price rises for their Scottish stores. Is it any wonder that the polls are so finely balanced? Where is the passion? Did Lancelot woo Guinevere by telling her should she reject his affections, it would cost her more to shop at John Lewis? I think not… That said, the Yes campaign also has its deficiencies. It is enticing to promise an Independent Scotland without the Bedroom Tax and nuclear weapons and with a better NHS. But someone has to pay for it and Salmond, Sturgeon and Co have been vague about the figures, asserting that Scotland will retain the pound even when everyone in England says they won’t.  So it will go down to the wire. WTF prays for a No vote, for reasons of sentiment and also the fear that without the Scottish MPs, England and Wales will forever be condemned to a Tory Government. But if there is a Yes vote, we will have to ask ourselves whether we did enough to keep things together. We should have gone to marriage counselling a lot sooner…

To the week’s sartorial horrors, starting with the host of Australian X Factor Luke Jacobz  (stupid spelling and he made the name up anyway) wearing Gucci.

Readers, this is what enrages WTF. The wonky bow tie. The ridiculous velvet DJ two sizes too small with the buttons straining across his chest. The poncy scarlet shiny trousers. Wearing a DJ was once a guarantee of elegance but no longer. Look at Daniel Craig as James Bond wearing Tom Ford.  Now THAT is elegance.

Next we have Rita Ora wearing Nicholas Oakwell at the GQ after-party. (It should have gone in last week with the other GQ photos but WTF didn’t see it in time…..)

It is always an error to have things hanging from your crotch area as it creates a false impression and you end up looking like an incontinent yeti. Questions also have to be asked about the quiff, the eyeliner and the excessive amount of tit.

Next we go to the Toronto Film Festival and Robert Downey Jnr. wearing a very silly suit by Dior Homme, seen here with pregnant wife Susan Downey.

 Ah! They look so sweet together. WTF loves Robert like anything but even she cannot forgive the flowery suit (Dior, what are you doing?) worn with what appear to be hobnail boots.

This week’s It’s Got To Go has been nominated by a slew of Readers complaining about titsy but talentless celebrity Kelly Brook who has been flogging her autobiography “Close Up” about her famous boyfriends. She recounts how she punched not one but two of them (on separate occasions) full in the face. Professional geezer Jason Statham had been flirting with Gwyneth Paltrow and randy rugby player Danny Cipriani had just given his number to a Las Vegas stripper. Had either of them boasted of hitting two women in public to flog a book they would have been run out of town. So what’s the difference? What’s bad for the goose is bad for the gander.

We now visit New York Fashion Week starting with Kat Graham at Fashion  Rocks wearing ICB.

Kat is gorgeous but here are two things WTF hates with a passion- a leather bralet and a dropped crotch trouser – and she is wearing both of them together. Sigh…..

Then there was Rihanna wearing Alexander Wang.

The only explanation for this nonsense is that Rihanna is appearing in the new musical Paddington Bear Is Singin’ In The Rain. Meanwhile the shoes do not appear to be waterproof, although they are a lovely colour.

And then there was Lady Gaga attending the Harper’s Bazaar NYFW party not dressed as Mega-Mad Lady Gaga but as herself wearing Alexandre Vauthier. 

This is like something out of an old Western where the Saloon Floozy offers to service the Sheriff. There is much boobage and Gaga has clearly modelled this look on Madeline Khan as Lily von Schtupp in Blazing Saddles.

This one is BAD. Be warned. Here is Kris Jenner, ghastly matriarch of the Kardashian clan wearing Valentino. Readers of a delicate disposition may want to log off at this point because what follows is scarifying……

All together now…..AAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH! Kris is 58 and a mother of 6. It is time to speak frankly. She looks like a creosoted sack of shit in this dress, not because it is not a nice dress as far as it goes but because it does not go far enough, exposing horrified onlookers to more ripples than a gallon of raspberry ripple and puckering arse cheeks. WTF suspects that part of the problem is that it is too tight around the hips, but it is hard to see how it would cover the essentials for anyone over 5’2″ (Kris is 5’5″). For this Sgr. Valentino is also much at fault. For £2,900, there needs to be more dress.

AND NOW READERS, A WARNING – THIS NEXT ONE REALLY IS SHOCKINGLY BAD!!!!!!  

If you do not want to see virtually-bare breasts, please log off now and come back next Friday. Here is enfant terrible Miley Cyrus out in public in New York. New York was a dangerous place to be this week with tits coming at you from all directions….

WTF aficionado from Texas Andrew Purcell informs WTF that in the US, nipple covers are known as pasties. Be that howsoever it may be and whatever they may be called, they are not outdoor wear. In fact, they are not even wear. Miley love – we know you have a great body. We know this because you keep showing it to us. So now please put it away.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep your top comments and your suggestions for It’s Got To Go rolling in and let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Hallo Readers,

The political drama playing out in Downing Street, in Chequers and in Westminster is like a prep school, cut-price version of Game of Thrones with a dollop of Whitehall farce. It is sadly a version where, in the interests of economy, or perhaps to preserve Covid-compliant working conditions, they have dispensed with the heroes and kept the villains. So Dominic Cummings is an amalgam of all the creepy and evil advisers to the Kings, Carrie Johnson is Margaery Tyrell and Boris Johnson is a fat and tousled version of Joffrey Baratheon but who has, at least to date, avoided the fate imposed upon that little swine by Olenna Tyrell, Margaery’s auntie. 

According to Cummings’ account this week, both he and the then-future third Mrs Johnson regarded Johnson as a useful idiot who was patently not up to the job of being PM, a sentiment with which all of us can readily agree. At first Cummings, working with a coterie of unidentified schemers, had the upper hand and was able to bend Johnson to his aim of getting the UK out of Europe. Sadly for him, and for all of us, while Johnson proved to be sufficiently malleable, he also proved to be without policy, principle, or purpose and with no agenda other than to remain in power. Cummings tells us that he and his unidentified gang decided that after Brexit was done, Johnson would have to go, to be replaced by who knows whom, but before he could execute this plan, he himself was ousted by the ascendancy of Carrie Johnson, which is why Boris Johnson remains in place and Cummings is reduced to sniping from the sidelines and howling at the wind.

Watching Cummings’ interview on Monday with an incredulous and discomfited Laura Kuenssberg, the BBC Political Editor, one did not know whether to admire the singularity with which Cummings had approached his task, untroubled by conscience, decency or any fear of looking like the shit that he is, or to be appalled at the complete contempt in which he held not only Johnson, but also the British public and the democratic process. To Cummings, the end absolutely justified the means. To Johnson, the end is just to be the Prime Minister and one senses that he does not care either how he got there or how he gets to stay there.  To Mrs Johnson, do we worry that she really loves this man, in which case she is an idiot, or that she is using him for her own purposes, in which case she is to be deplored? The combination of all or any of these people in charge of us and the damage they wrought upon the Country with no obvious end in sight is horrible to behold.

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We start our review of the week’s clothing cloacas with racing champion Lewis Hamilton and Roscoe the dog at Silverstone circuit. Who can even say what this is?

Roscoe’s face speaks for the nation. The kindest thing that can be said of Lewis’ ridiculous ensemble is that it is clearly a nod to the paint-splattered police during the demonstrations in Barcelona in 2018 when the Catalonians tried to declare independence.

And now we are off to Cannes for the rest of our horror show, starting with actor Rosmund Pike wearing Dior.

Oh dear. Rosamund often gets it wrong, even in Dior, with a preponderance of sideboob  peeking out of her heart-shaped fluffy bodice, like a tacky greetings card……

Director Spike Lee, wearing something colourful.

The suit has some merit but not when worn with a driver’s peaked cap and trainers like an acid-induced train trip – with the emphasis on trip.

Actor Florence Pugh, wearing Stella McCartney.

Regular Readers will know that WTF has long nurtured the view that Stella is taking the piss, and here is another example. The lovely Florence is wrapped in a hideous peek-a-boo, shit-coloured thing with both a tit-window and  a tummy-window, looking for all the world like a bandaged teddy bear with no neck.

Model Liya Kebede, wearing McQueen.

The tailoring is, as ever, immaculate nearly down to the ankles but the suit is totally ruined by those cascades of arse-paper…..Yurgle.

Actress Luna Wedler, wearing Acne

This is truly terrible; see-through trewsies, which WTF hates almost above all things, combined with what can only be described as Ronnie Barker’s shop-keeper’s coat in Open All Hours which scores the hat-trick of being (i) ugly both in colour and design (ii) ill-fitting, with sleeves designed for an orangutang and (iii) creased to hell.

Actor Kat Graham wearing Jean Paul Gaultier.

Kat appeared in a number of shocking items in Cannes but this is WTF’s choice for the worst, incorporating a ruched lavender nappy and a tsunami of lavender frills from curtains randomly draped across her person. 

And finally we have model Elisa de Panicis wearing Farhad Re. This one is BAD.

Elisa used to go out with preening footballer Cristiano Ronald0. Other than that, she has done little apart from walking Red Carpets dressed in provocative outfits like this one with a bodice like the eye-masks you get in sex shops and a skirt that flashes her panties under a waistband like the entrance of Luna Park in Melbourne. An early contender for the WTF Christmas Turkey 2021.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF of Islington who is disgusted by the appalling sexism of the European Handball Federation which has told the Norwegian Ladies’ Beach Handball Team that they are compelled to wear the stipulated uniform of tight bra top and bikini bottoms “no more than 10cm in size”. The team had asked to wear blue shorts instead but was refused and threatened with a fine of 1500 Euros.

The Men’s Beach Handball Team wears tee-shirts and shorts. No one is asking them to wear prickboasters allowing sand to disappear up their cracks so that we can all perve up at the sight of their arses. But women must bare most of their bums for the delectation of the onlookers. It’s despicable and It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Go, not to mention your top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

Hallo Readers,

First, you will notice that the blog looks slightly different, and Truth Be Told, WTF has not yet mastered all the intricacies involved and so please bear with her. Some of you have complained that the previous format is not very mobile friendly and this is supposed to work better. Please do not be slow in reporting problems.  She is as ever indebted to her friend Rebecca, who did sterling work on helping with the design  and technical thingies, and the final touches will be done by Rebecca’s son when we can get hold of him and bribe him with suitable riches as he knows this sort of stuff backwards.

Second, it is good to be back with you after a ravishing couple of weeks in India. WTF promptly succumbed to a cold on arrival home and has been sheltering indoors fighting off the germs with plentiful supplies of hot lemon, ginger and honey and as much Lemsip as she could legally obtain. Having tried to avoid the news while away, she has therefore had plenty of time to catch up and none of it is good. Yes there is a stay, not a truce, in Gaza that should have started by the time you read this over breakfast and some hostages should have been released with more to come. Perhaps we should remember how those hostages came to be hostages in the first place, kidnapped on 7 October by terrorists who murdered 1500 other Jews with the most appalling violence and savagery, before dragging more than 200 of them, including babies and toddlers, back over the border to be used as bargaining chips.

Elsewhere, right-wing populism continues to thrive. We know that in the US, Donald Trump is way ahead of all his rivals for the presidency in 2024, including the present incumbent Joe Biden. Biden’s decency and commitment to democracy is apparently counting for much less than the fact that he has, in the words of WTF’s late mother, gone old and, in the words of WTF’s late father, looks as if he is walking around to save himself funeral expenses. The newly elected speaker of the house of representatives, Mike Johnson, is a religious fanatic who believes that same-sex marriage leads to paedophilia and beastiality, has spent his lifetime fighting abortion and who refuses to say whether he would support a ban on contraception.  Hello Gilead. And do not even get WTF started on the anti-wanking pact he has with his 17 year old son in which they monitor each other’s computers with specially designed software to ensure that there is no viewing of porn. In Europe, joining Viktor Orban in Hungary, we now have Geert Wilders, a disgusting racist, getting 37% of the vote in Holland and looking, one hopes, unsuccessfully, to form a coalition government. And in Argentina, Javier Milei, the Pampas’ own version of Trump, but with a brain, romped to victory in the presidential election. And you have to ask yourself who the hell is voting for these people and why are they voting for them and the problem is that the answer  is because they like what they see. They like the racism, they like the demagoguery, they like the strength with which democratic norms are to be dismantled. Next year we have elections not just in the US and the UK, but also in India, where the vile Modi thrives and people are nervous of expressing their views in public for fear of retribution and worse. So the joys of being back with you are somewhat tempered. Forgive me….

We start our review of the last few weeks’ clothing catastrophes with actor Jeremy Pope at the launch of the collaboration between Skims and Svarovski.

Good heavens. He is wearing sparkly male tit curtains instead of a shirt. Here is a WTF Rule. The fact that you can does not mean that you should. 

Next up we have actor Kat Graham at the Glamour Women of the Year bash wearing Kate Barton.

Ouch. Don’t go up to Kat to give her a cuddle or you will probably puncture yourself somewhere painful. What happens when it’s cold? She could get metal burns. The whole thing is extremely silly. Since when was a giant silver bowtie a top? WTF also deplores the giant tit window.

Meet conductor (orchestral, not bus or train) Ollantay Velásquez at the Latin Grammy Awards in Seville wearing….who can even say what this is?

Did they run out of adornments? Ollontay looks like a camouflaged soldier hiding in the undergrowth. He would be well advised not to conduct anything in this getup or the front row of the audience will be showered in twigs and foliage.

 Also at the Awards was Venezuelan singer Lasso, né Andrés Vicente de Jesús Lazo Uslar, wearing a quite ridiculous ensemble.

Never mind Lasso, someone should have found a lasso and roped him off the Red Carpet (WTF has become obsessed with the modern Western series Yellowstone, albeit that half the population of Montana seems to be wiped out every week by someone in the Dutton family, presided over by Kevin Costner). He looks like a Laura Ashley armchair.

Now to New York where we encounter actor and singer Kristin Chenoweth at the 20th Anniversary of the (excellent) musical Wicked, wearing Halpern.

One of the top songs in the show is called Defying Gravity and WTF is obliged to note that Kristin’s face has certainly defied gravity, leading her to suspect that there has been some interference in the workings of nature. (Kristin is 55). As for the dress, it looks like one of those pistachio deserts you get in fancy patisseries with extra slices for the feet.

He’s back! We are at the GQ Men of the Year Awards in London where Olympic diver Tom Daley appeared wearing Dior. Scroll down slowly. Keep going after the pink handbag because it gets worse……

Not only have the trousers had an argument with his ankles but he is wearing pink socks under a pair of absurdly large brogues, like Coco the Clown does designer.

To the County Music Awards, always a source of nastiness, where we find singer Priscilla Block wearing….ummmmm…….

At least she didn’t spend much, having borrowed the high viz overalls from the local council – and the bollard. It has to be said that those trousers are not flattering and are a trifle tight over the minge area, giving rise to the high probability of a nasty case of Call for the Canisten.

And finally we have stylist Law Roach at the Costume Designers Fashion Awards wearing Luar. Kill me now.

This man is paid squillions to advise people like Zendaya and Anya Taylor-Joy what to wear, yet he turns up at a high fashion event with his hand on his crotch looking like a cross-dressing nun in fishnet tights standing in a bowl of mushroom soup.

This week’s It’s Got Got Go comes from WTF aficionado Honsa from Paddington who is disgusted by the Daily Telegraph. Well, I could end the sentence there, but in fact, I can’t because Honsa is particularly incensed by a Daily Telegraph story today about Angela Rayner, the Deputy Leader of the Labour Party, wearing a £3,570 coat as she posed for Vogue.

Angela looks fantastic. Of course, the coat was lent by Vogue for the shoot. But the Torygraph cannot abide the idea that a Labour MP should be seen in anything other than Primark, even if it is not her own clobber and, Cinderella-like, borrowed for the occasion. The same sneering attitude was expressed by loathsome Dominic Raab, then ludicrously Deputy PM, when Rayner was seen at Glyndebourne enjoying the Opera.  You don’t have to go to public school to like music and nice clothes. The Telegraph is a bigoted, snobbish rag and It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Hallo Readers, 

This week’s rant is a random collection of things which have driven WTF into despair. Were it not for Arsenal’s splendid victory over Liverpool last Sunday, who knows how she would have survived the last seven days. So here we go, in no particular order.

Item – WTF has tried to pretend it is not true. But it is. Biden is too old to be the next President. He has just escaped prosecution because the Special Prosecutor has decreed his memory to be so poor about why he had had various classified documents in his possession that no jury would convict. Which might have got him out of the frying pan but has plunged him right into the fire. Last week, he confused Macron with Mitterand, who has been dead for decades. And in what was a spirited response to the Press after the Special Prosecutor’s report came out, he confused the President of Egypt and the President of Mexico. Which is a problem if you are trying to rebut an allegation of memory loss. Most people already think Biden is too old but now he will be viewed as half way to the home for the terminally bewildered. Which leaves a clearer path for Trump in November. 

Item – A woman in South Carolina who sells ice cream in some lovely-looking seaside spot full of people who think Donald Trump is the answer to America’s woes. According to Madam Macadamia, the Rancid Kumquat was sent by God to save the country. To which WTF can only say that God must have been really, really pissed off. Meanwhile, the Republican Party demanded drastic action at the Mexican order to stem the flood of illegal migrants. The Biden Administration agreed and a bill was negotiated which was stricter than any bill ever in the history of ever. But then the Rancid Kumquat decreed that the bill was a disaster, by which he meant that it was a disaster for him as it removed immigration as one of his principal campaign issues. So the Senate shelved it because he said so. Let these people in and complain about it, then stop a bill that would stop them coming in and then blame Biden for not stopping them coming in. You think God is happy with his disciple? 

Item – Liz Truss still labours under the misconception that she is the answer to Britain’s woes. She has formed a new Tory Group called the Popular Conservatives. Popular? With whom? The Tories are about as popular as an outbreak of pubic crabs. But this week a group of these delusional fools gathered together for their launch, where they were addressed by such luminaries as Madam Mad herself, 30p Lee Anderson and Sir Jacob Rees-Mogg, who hit out at the “unaccountable, the faceless, the bureaucrat and the pious platitudes of pompous politicians which have been running this country for too long”. This is not just the pot calling the kettle black but dancing around in the flames. These people are deranged. 

Item – the US and others are abandoning Ukraine. The Putin apologists are gaining traction, insisting that rather than support Ukraine’s resistance of wipeout and subjugation, Zelenskyy should be taking peace with Putin. Why? So that Putin has the green flag to start on Moldova next? Or Poland? What sort of world are we  living in when democracies get crushed because people are bored with empathy and the higher price of wheat and sunflower oil??

So it has been a bad week. And it is unlikely that next week will be any better.

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We need a laugh. All the outfits this week come from the Grammys held in Los Angeles last Sunday. We start our review of the week’s clothing cockups with Swedish composer and conductor Ludwig Göransson wearing Marni.

This is a deeply unpleasant blend of concentration camp chic and a deckchair.

Country singers Rebecca and Megan Lovell aka Larkin Poe, wearing Libertine.

More deck chairs. And even more stripes, made worse by the fact that there are two of them.

Singer Miley Cyrus, wearing Maison Margiela. 

Martin Margiela went fishing for a Valkyrie with conical tits, using a golden net. This is what he caught. Oh, and that hanging crotch thing is deeply disturbing.

Singer Montaigne (née Jessica Alyssa Cerro), wearing Jessica Grindell.

/If a Renaissance youth posed for a portrait, had a spat with the artist and got splashed with paint on his hose, this is what he would look like. Meanwhile, what the cowboy boots have got to do with the price of fish, WTF cannot say.

Singer Ayra Starr (née Oyinkansola Sarah Aderibigbe) wearing Jeblanc.

Ayra has come dressed as Princess Jasmine from Aladdin with a noo-noo necklace. If only one could rub the lamp and make her disappear.

This is Broadway star Jake Pedersen wearing KYLE’LYK and a pearl necklace.

This is what Princess Jasmine wears when she goes back to the Palace and slips into her jim-jams. And there seems to be a lot of extraneous fabric for no good purpose.

Rapper Doja Cat wearing Dilara Findikoglu.

Doja has taken this faux tattoo thing very seriously, even to the extent of having the name of the designer on her forehead. Which might be great advertising for Dilara if she does not mind being associated with this ridiculous piece of fabric wrapped around Doja to no avail. It is extremely mingey. And the back is even worse. Brace yourselves…..

WTF cannot previously remember a train multi-tasking as a bustle and as a nappy. The tattoos are hideous. The seams are hideous. The shoes are hideous. It is all hideous. Hideous.

Actress and singer Kat Graham wearing Stéphane Roland Haute Couture.

This is the lovechild of a square envelope and Audrey Hepburn in The Nun’s Story.

Singer QUIN (Bianca Quiñones) and her boyfriend, rapper 6Lack (Richardo Valdez Valentine Jr), wearing not enough.

Note that the happy couple has different approaches to dressing for a big event. 6Lack looks like he has come straight from a plumbing job in Pacific Palisades. QUIN, on the other hand, is letting it all hang out with tit trinkets for a bra and something or other around her waist prompting onlookers to speculate whether a frisky puppy had had a go at her French knickers.

And finally, music producer Shawn Everett, the distinguished winner of the WTF Summer Stinker Poll 2016, wearing who can even say what this is? Scroll down slowly…….

It looks like Shawn might be on for a double title win (only Bobby Norris has done that with his foul cock-socks in 2014 and 2015). I mean, what could be worse than these soiled lace long-johns, as if he had shat himself, and a  matching lace curtain shawl, worn with hobnail boots and stupid glasses.  Yurgle.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Gita from Bromley who writes on behalf of herself and her friend Bernadette in Dublin. She says “we have been considering that those vile wedding dresses with all their low-cutness and sheer panelling have to go and now”.

She continues “They are like lingerie and leave nothing to the imagination. It’s like those brides are inviting the whole congregation into the bridal suite, including their nan”.

Well said ladies! Appalling. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything.  Let us meet again next Friday.  Be good x

Hallo Readers,

Look, we can take this pretty shortly. Of course, there is absolutely nothing surprising about the fact that the ragbag of piss-artists, Fox News hosts, sycophants, and liars that make up 47’s cabinet have made a major cock-up. It is not surprising that they have attempted to blame everybody but themselves, including bashing the whistleblower, who did not volunteer to be party to a series of top secret messages on Signal, calling him a scumbag and other such epithets, with what WTF strongly believes to be a double side order of anti-Semitism. It is not surprising that 47 is standing by his appointees, while simultaneously claiming to know nothing about it. What really struck WTF this week was the fact that the parties concerned in this massive fuck-up are not only unrepentant, but that they can place their hand on the Bible, which they claim guides their lives, and proceed to lie with impunity, coupled with a revolting smirk which both freezes the soul and makes the blood boil. And what makes it worse is that they know that they are lying, and they know that we know that they are lying and that most of the people to whom they are speaking know that they are lying, but they do not care. They do not care because they know that absolutely nothing will come of it. The boss will back them up. The law makers whose job it is to police them will back them up. The Attorney General, who smugly promised the Senate that she would administer the Justice Department impartially and fairly when it was absolutely obvious that she would not (which is why she was chosen), will back them up. The slimeballs on Fox News, Newsmax and on the Christian channel that employs the bloke who berated Zelinskyy for not wearing a suit and who is knocking off Marjorie Taylor Green, will back them up. So suck it up because this is the new normal.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once observed ‘he louder he talked of his honour, the faster we counted the spoons’. In the same way, the more these people talk about God and hang large crucifixes around their necks, the bigger liars they are, most notably Goebbels Barbie, the White House Press Secretary, and Injustice Barbie, the Attorney General who yesterday announced that she had no intention of investigating what is clearly an egregious breach of security and bashed Joe Biden instead. And Action Man Pissed Pete, purportedly a born-again Christian who promised the Senate Committee which approved his nomination that he would give up drinking if he got the gig as Defence Secretary. These terrible people dishonour religion in the same way that they dishonour government, responsibility, and truth. Christian is as Christian does. And on that basis, they ain’t Christians.

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We start our review of the week’s crummy clothing with comic and TV host Noel Fielding and his girlfriend Lliana Bird at the Royal Television Society Awards in London.

She looks okay. He doesn’t. He looks like a right prat. Men should not wear skinny jeans, dye their hair the same colour as Cleopatra and wear a coat last seen on a cuddly toy.

Here we have actor Lily Gladstone wearing Simone Rocha at the Opening Gala for her movie The Wedding Banquet in London. Mind how you go…

Yurgle! Was Lily taking part in the school sack race? How does she walk with that plastic-looking bicycle chain around her knees? And what on earth possessed her to put on this ridiculous garment?

Time to meet Canadian make-up artiste and TV personality Jay Manuel at the premiere of Netflix’s The Life List at New York’s Plaza Hotel. The top end of Jay looks mostly fine. But scroll down slowly…

What the actual fuck are those jeans? Why are they wrinkling round his ankles like a Sharpei’s bum? And why the fuckety fuck is he wearing clown shoes? WTF also does not like the way his hair goes up in a point like a Mekon. Warning! Those with a clown phobia, scroll down quickly to the next entry.

Mind you, now that you’ve got here, you may not thank me for this one either. This is actor Ncuti Gatwa aka Dr Who, also wearing Simone Rocha.

In the lovely seaside town of Poole in leafy Dorset is a statue of the Founder of the scouting movement, Sir Robert Baden-Powell.

Ncuti has drawn inspiration from this statue with his little shorts and socks. However, one feels that Sir Robert would not have gone all fancy on the collar.

And next up, actor Amanda Brugel at the premiere of the final season of  The Handmaid’s Tale in Los Angeles. She plays Rita.

If a maypole walked the red carpet in a white pantsuit and stilettos, this is what it would look like.

Now we have actor Pedro Pascale at the premiere of season 2 of The Last Of Us at the TCL Chinese Theatre in Los Angeles, wearing St Laurent.

Down to the waist, Pedro looks dashing. That is until you get to the leather trousers tucked into leather waders. Is he modelling himself on King Charles? King Charles likes fishing in streams, most of which he owns himself, and he also likes wearing Tartan. But as far as WTF is aware, he does not combine the two of them in one go and quite rightly so.

And finally, we have actor Kat Graham promoting her movie Duplicity in New York.

WTF is fairly battle hardened after a decade or more of this blog, but even she emitted a squawk like an electrocuted parrot upon catching sight of Kat’s décolletage perking out from the bottom of what looks suspiciously like a lady barristers’ collarette as worn in Court with a wig and gown. The unexpected appearance of tits when tits are not supposed to appear is almost enough to distract appalled onlookers from the rest of the get-up. Is unexpected cleavage the new builders bum?

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionados Ben and Kathryn from Bromley, who are vowing that they would rather go to prison than pay an outrageous parking ticket. Ben and Kathryn, their daughter and their doggy parked up in a wood in Kent and put £3.50 into the ticket machine, one of those where you have to enter your registration number. Having got halfway through typing in the number, the machine spat the ticket out with the number not fully displayed on it but their £3.50 deposited in the machine. Two weeks later, Ben was extremely surprised to receive a parking ticket for not displaying the registration on the ticket, even though it was the machine, rather than them, at fault. They unsuccessfully appealed the ticket and have since discovered that at least seven other people had suffered the same fate during the same hour on the same machine. Since then, the alleged fine has gone up to £140 and they are now receiving threatening letters from bailiffs various intent upon seizing their goods and chattels, excluding, one hopes, the doggy. Ben and Kathryn are undeterred, and they will not pay the fine because they they do not see why they should have to fork up again when they paid the ticket and could not comply with the rest of the terms because the machine itself was defective. And quite right too. It’s a scandal. It’s Got to Go.

Ok Readers, that’s your lot for this week please keep sending in your top suggestions for It’s Got to Go as well as your comments, which WTF much enjoys. You can follow me on @wtffashionshark.bsky.social. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x